Building Confidence Across Cultures | Beryl Cui’s Maine Story

Lisa Belisle: I am Dr. Lisa Belisle, and you are listening to or watching Radio Maine, our video podcast where we explore and celebrate creativity and the human spirit. We're sponsored by the Portland Art Gallery in Portland, Maine. Today I have with me an individual that I actually met at the Portland Art Gallery. Her name is Beryl Cui. She is a cross-cultural communication educator and trainer by profession, but she's come to Maine and is sort of starting things over again. I just loved your story so much when you and I were talking at the Portland Art Gallery that I wanted to know more about you and know how it is that you ended up here in the Portland area. So thanks for coming in today.

Beryl Cui: Of course. Thank you for having me. My name is Beryl. I'm a cross-cultural communication trainer and English instructor. Over the past decades I worked in education and corporate training fields, and I always enjoyed the feeling that I can use my knowledge base to help a lot of individuals and organizational leaders develop their confidence and their trust and develop better skill in communication. So that's what I'm mainly focused on. Five months ago, my husband and I moved to Maine from Beijing. It's a big change for me actually. My husband used to be in college at the University of Maine. He loved Maine so much, and geographically my hometown and where I met my husband is the same location as in Maine. It's just like a Maine of China. So we started to think about, how about we start a new chapter, something new, after we met and stayed in China for 10 years. That's how we ended up in Maine in this beautiful city over here.

Lisa Belisle: This is something that I had first asked you about, and that is the weather. It sounds like the weather where you grew up is very similar to the weather here in the northeast. So that's not something new that you've had to get used to at all.

Beryl Cui: I got used to it actually. The snowy days, the ice and everything around there make me so excited, because that brings me to the childhood that I used to picture every single day with my mom, with my families in the wintertime. So I actually enjoy the weather here. That didn't give me such a big surprise.

Lisa Belisle: So Beryl, what was it about cross-cultural communication that appealed to you so much that you ended up pursuing this professionally?

Beryl Cui: Good question. I'm originally from China, and I started my full-time job 10 years ago. At that start, I've been working with families and students for a while. Over time I feel like language learning was more than just about grammar or vocabulary. It's about how to build confidence, trust, and how to feel respected and being understood. All along the way I had the chance to teach a lot of business corporations English, so business English, and that appealed to me so much because a lot of business leaders, CEOs, managers, supervisors, they all wanted to develop their language skills, not only for language learning, but also for how to speak something well and confidently in another language, to deliver their messages really well to another person. And they also have occasions where they need to deliver a speech to 200, 300 people in public.

So I feel this is so essential and so significant for me, to help them build not only language, but also confidence. Like I said, it's not only about grammar or vocabulary, it's about how can you fully express yourself. Sometimes language is one thing, and the bonding and the connection with language is another thing. This is so obsessing to me that I feel like, oh, I can develop that as well, to help more organization leaders develop their skills. That's how I stepped on this path.

Lisa Belisle: So when talking to CEOs who want to communicate better with others in business, what are some of the topic areas that you would spend time on, and what is some of the advice that you would give?

Beryl Cui: That's a good question. Usually they want to know more about business meetings, negotiations, and online meetings, and so many topics. I feel like, how can I transact my mother language, Chinese, Mandarin, into English to fully develop really well, and to use that skill to talk with another party? They feel so struggling sometimes when they feel like, oh, I really want to say this idiom in my own native way, that's the best way to deliver it, but they don't know how to. So I'm here to help them. Oh, that's how you say it, how to simplify it, not just so textbook kind of wise, the language that we used to see from the book, but how to use your mind and deliver it in a more casual way, and to throw it into a way that both parties can understand, can fully deliver that. So that's the part where I feel like, oh, that's the part that I can jump in and help them develop.

Lisa Belisle: So it sounds like that's more about translating an idiom into something that is less sort of word for word.

Beryl Cui: Yes.

Lisa Belisle: Are there other things about communication, posture, eye contact, other things like that that you would also provide instruction on?

Beryl Cui: Yes, so that part is about presentation and speech. It's one of the lesson plans that they made. For helping them how to stand up to deliver the whole speech, like a five to 10 minute speech in front of others. This is actually very daunting for them at their first starts, because they're so used to read and rely on the translation tools, but how can they get rid of the script and just talk with another person or with a group of people, to say something, but they also have to acknowledge some of the mistakes, or worse, they mispronounce in front of others, but they want to get their basic ideas. So that part needs a little bit of push. I'm here to evaluate, give them feedback, give them a lot of the useful information that they can develop and learn the next time. Practice makes perfect. Usually they need a lot of practice, and then to review their mistakes, and even though they feel so embarrassing, so awkward at the first start, but they need to review that to improve.

Lisa Belisle: That makes sense. And how about this idea of cross-cultural communication? Are there things that you noticed that in English people were doing from a communication standpoint that you wanted to make sure that the people you were working with understood, because the culture was fundamentally different?

Beryl Cui: Exactly. So that happens with a daily conversation. My husband and I, my husband was born in Colorado and he met me in Beijing. When we start to talk, there are so many things that we understand each other, but sometimes it's about the mindset or difference. In China, in Chinese, we actually try to be so humble and try to be not that direct with everything. He is very direct, but with others, when he talks to other people, they probably think this is actually rude. That made me feel like, oh, this is not because of the behavior, rude or politeness, it's about the mindset. It's about decades, decades of years of the cultural differences that made us different. So as long as the cultural part has been clarified, then the communication will become so smooth. I also bring these experiences to my classroom, to my lessons, to my workshop, to the daily conversation with me, and the coaching with the leaders and the supervisors, so they feel like, oh, the next time I should behave in this way and speak in this way, more direct, and then they will develop a better conversation.

Lisa Belisle: It sounds like it's mostly between people who have a Chinese background and an English background. Have you noticed any other differences with other cultures, and have you had an experience with that?

Beryl Cui: Yes, so I am a big fan of traveling. When I was in New Zealand and in Japan and in Korea, I feel like even though we can speak in English, we can talk, but there were some awkward things that will happen because of mistranslating in languages. So I feel like no matter what languages we're speaking, the culture is the roots for everything else. As long as we know about their cultural backgrounds, we can have a better communication. So it's also driven from the experiences that I travel to different places, which makes me feel like, oh, that experience could be a better resource that I bring to my workshop, to my classroom, and to deliver it to my students and to the leaders, so they can benefit from my experiences.

Lisa Belisle: You and I met at the Portland Art Gallery, and I was impressed because you had gone online, you went to Eventbrite, you noticed that there was an event that we had put out there for the general community, and you showed up just because you were interested in the event and you like art and you like art galleries, and you were willing to connect with people. So it seems like you have a certain level of comfort around connecting with people that you maybe have never met before.

Beryl Cui: Exactly.

Lisa Belisle: Not everybody has that level of comfort. So are you able to provide advice for people about connecting with others that they may not know, so they can start that building of trust and relationship?

Beryl Cui: Great question. I would say I was experiencing a huge satisfaction from connection with people, and that gave me substantial pleasure that has never been replaced by scrolling up and down on social media or any other things online. So I really enjoy the immersive communication, face-to-face talk that we put our listening, our attention to each other, and have this meaningful talk with other people. This is so fun to me. Honestly, when I was young I used to be so shy and so introverted. I didn't like to open up myself, and I was so reserved, because talking was so daunting to me. I never knew if this person would accept me or not, or we'll have some conflict. But since I met my husband, he is so good at communication. Even though we have some conflict, we would just have this open talk.

We just solve that directly, to talk about how we feel, how do we think. Usually it's just different perspectives and different views, but we do like to express ourselves, and then I find this way, oh, I can also use this way to connect with other people. So it's so rewarding that I can turn my students and my coworkers and my workmates into my friends. This is all from the direct conversations, from the places that we met. Maybe it's a workshop, the art gallery, maybe it's just because of the trip. Because I've been through these experiences, that's so rewarding to me that I feel like, oh, I should explore something more. I should just go to different settings, different places, to just have this talk that probably can never be found from online. So that's how I feel like, oh, communication, it is so fun. I just love that so much, having this connection and bond with people, and with you.

Lisa Belisle: Well, and I appreciate that, because when you and I first met, obviously I didn't know you and you didn't know me, but it started with a very simple question. So, how did you end up at the art gallery? What brings you here? I think sometimes those introductory questions, they're not as hard as people think, to start a conversation. Of course it helps that you were very open to talking about your experience and your background. I also noticed that you really were engaging with the art on the Portland Art Gallery walls. So you had a love of the visual. That was something that you and I shared.

Beryl Cui: Yes.

Lisa Belisle: So in talking to people who, let's say, are younger and they have gone through COVID, and there was this whole online time where everybody just sort of ended up doing mostly scrolling and digital communication, and they're trying to figure out how to reconnect with people now, especially in school or going into the workplace, are there things that you yourself have learned that can be pieces of advice for them?

Beryl Cui: Yes. It is so easy to stay at home and hold a phone to connect with people online. But I'll say, just do something different. Tiny change. I always say that to myself and to my friends and students around me. Don't think that you'll make a deep, big jump. You just only make a tiny 5% of change. That's what I call 5% of change. You can use this mindset to do everything else. For example, when I was in New Zealand, I can't swim, but there are so many good extreme sports and adventures that I was so dying to experience and try, because I'm not being in New Zealand all the time. So I want to grab this chance to experience that. It's so fun. There was something called canyoning experiences. It's like you go into the canyons, and then to do this very hard tracking and hiking over there.

There was a part that is selective and optional, that you can jump out of the cliff and into the water, and you have all the equipment, you'll be fine. But the mindset is like, oh my god, I can't swim. It's so daunting for me. I want to say this is a similar feeling that my students have, who never had experiences of delivering the public speech. For me it's easy, for them it's not. They don't know. Students' faces, other people's faces are the water for me. So I always compare my experiences and their experiences, so I know how they feel. When it comes to me, I feel like, you know what, I just give myself a hint, three to one, jump. When I was there, deep breath, and 3, 2, 1, I'll be fine. And I did jump.

As long as I made that jump, it's like a splash over there, and I feel like, oh, I survived. So I accumulate a tiny sense of achievement for me. I used that to do my second jump, the third jump, the fourth jump. So how people develop their confidence and their real skills is about a lot of practice. So I'd like to share the experiences to my people around me. Whenever I could stay at home to use my phone to look at so many messages online, but I can also do something different. It is not always positive, I'm sure. You experience something awkward or ashamed or something bad, it registers experiences for you, and that turns to a memory when you're looking back. Sometimes when I look at social media, I feel like I'm only a spectator. I'm not actually experiencing. But right now, being present, being with others, being with another outside world, in nature, that's the part that always registers in my memories. So I love to accumulate more and more of that, and I'm always telling them, it is not necessary, you have to do it, it's optional. But as long as you try something new, you feel like, you know what, it's not as hard as I originally thought. So why not? Why not try it?

Lisa Belisle: This transition that you've had, then, to coming here to Maine from Beijing, that's a very big transition. You had a lot of success, you did 10 years professionally in your prior field, and not only did you move to a new country, but you've started over professionally. Are you using some of the lessons that you've learned that you then bring to your students? Are you using them for yourself?

Beryl Cui: That's a good question. Most of my students still wanted to stick with me, so they wanted to proceed and continue the lessons online remotely. So that's part of it. The biggest challenge for me is getting up super early, like five o'clock, because I need to adjust to different time zones, and everything has a trade off. So I accept that. And the fun part is that, because I am in new surroundings, I would like to share my experiences about how do you feel in this way, and how is something actually looks like right now. Some of the information you look for in AI are wrong. Some of the things are misleading information you look from the feed from short videos. So I would say that's something that I experience every single day, and you can choose who would you like to bleed to.

So I would say this is so precious for them to know about what it's really like, and how this conversation really proceeds in that way. For example, learning a second language, always speaking like, hello, how are you, and goodbye, I'm sorry. Sometimes in our Chinese cultures we kind of over-energize something. We keep saying sorry all the time, but I'm going to tell them, there are some situations and scenarios where you don't need to say sorry, or you cannot say sorry, because you are sharing the accountability on it. So that is some of the insight they would like to hear more. I would say they still would like to proceed in lessons with me online just because of the experiences that I'm experiencing every single day. From here, when I meet more people from the workshop, from the social settings, from traveling to Pearl Harbor, there are some people who know that I'm from Asia, from China, and they actually share their experience that they were in China, to me, and we have this connection, this bond altogether.

Somehow they're actually saying that, you know what, I really want to learn Mandarin with you. Some of the people wanted to learn Mandarin with me. I feel like this is such a blessing for me, because I can also share what we actually say in my mother tongue, even native language. This is not actually what you learn from the textbook. So in essence it's all the same. I've been seeing so many students and so many people, they're so good at reading, but for listening, they actually need more practice. They feel like, oh, I shouldn't say that, this is old fashioned way. Because when you say that, you never know. When we say something, people will say, oh, you are more like a modern city girl, or your language sounds more like 50 years old. You never know until you make that conversation. So that's the part I always really enjoy, and still feel so engaging, because it's from my everyday life.

Lisa Belisle: I'm intrigued by the fact that you study calligraphy. So we've been talking a lot about communicating in one way, which is verbal and human, and calligraphy is communicating in a different way, and it's a very artistic way. How did you get interested in that? And talk to me about that sort of journey for you.

Beryl Cui: I love talking about that. Oh my god, when I was 15 years old, I never thought that I'm going to bring my calligraphy artwork to the United States. So that started with a very, very coincidence. When my classmates were all developing their musical skills, like violin, like guitar, like piano, people like to show off when we're getting together in the classroom. They say, hey, I've been learning A, B, C. I feel like, somehow, just like a teenager, I just wanted to learn some skills, to have something to say to their friends and the classmates. So there was one time, there's a calligraphy teacher who came into the classroom, into the school, to show the beautiful artwork with the characters in it. I felt so impressed, like, oh, the everyday character that I'm writing can turn into artwork.

Amazing. So I feel like, how about I try it, I give it a shot. I talked to the calligraphy teacher and I signed up for the lessons, and then they actually just gave me the heads up, you know what, this is going to be not that easy, because you need to practice a single word for hours and hours. Do you feel that you can do it? Because they gave me the heads up, I want to say, you know what, I'm going to be outstanding, I can do it. So at first I know this is not going to be easy. You know what, this is so hard. So I know this is going to be hard, so I want to be the best. So I expressed my extra endeavor and hardworking on that. It's a group class. We are doing every Saturday afternoon. The class only lasts for an hour. So when we write, the teacher will come up to me to say, where can I improve, and how do you develop the way of seeing what is beautiful, what is not. I feel like getting to know what is the standard building is how I developed back that time. And then there was the copy of the task book, and this is my artwork, and I just practice one single character for hours and hours in a scorching summer day. This is super hard. But I like the feeling that the next class, when I hand out my hundreds of artwork to my teacher, while others are not writing anything, I always got the compliment, oh, you did such a great job, and I'm the one who learned the most and who developed the fastest.

So I love the feeling, getting the credits as a younger kid. That pushed me to work harder and harder. So that's how I went through the seven years. And later years, when I chose to become an English teacher and chose to be a corporate trainer, I always felt like calligraphy can only be my hobby and interest. It's good to practice my patience, but I feel like, you know what, my works are just being in the corner and collecting all of the dust over there, and never being looked at by others, until I moved here. I've seen a lot of good artworks, and I would like to project myself into the same situation that I am, that artist. I can see how does he practice that all over the time, to cry with one artwork, and that needs a lot of thoughts. Also, because artwork doesn't have the standard answer.

So you never know when you feel that is perfect, that is complete, that is the time I am confident to show it to others. I have that self-doubt all the time. Sometimes I feel this is good, but it's not good for others. Other people prefer the incomplete artwork that I feel that's not a hundred percent good. So this is so interesting to think and to talk. So that feel like, when I go to the art gallery, or when I go to the museum, when I go to the craft shop, I feel like, you know what, I understand, I feel like I have this silent communication with the artwork, who is putting a lot of effort over there that nobody can see, but I can. It's just because of the experiences over there. Also, whenever I go to the galleries and museums in different states, in different countries, I feel like I gain the extra insight out of it, how to appreciate the beauty other people might not see. So just like calligraphy brings me a lot of benefits that I never thought I could have 10 years ago, that I'm glad that I've learned that. Some of the skills, when you learn, you never know that when it will lead you, and to what destination, but you just need to trust that it will lead you to one way. It will either connect you with another artwork, or with another people, with another artist, or with another interview opportunities.

Lisa Belisle: Yeah, I love that answer. I think that what you're talking about makes a lot of sense, and that there are sometimes the path is very clear, and other times you don't really know exactly what you're supposed to be doing, but you just think, I'm just going to go forward. Yes, I'm going to do this thing now.

Beryl Cui: Yes.

Lisa Belisle: So as I'm talking to you, I am thinking there are probably going to be people who want to connect with you, who might be interested in the types of things that you're teaching. What's the best way for people to get in communication with you?

Beryl Cui: That's a good question. So I actually am about to build my own personal website. My name is Beryl, B-E-R-Y-L. I'm also thinking about providing the services about calligraphy. From the past several weeks, there were people who came up to me to say they love the artwork. I actually just write and I give them as a gift, and they love the artwork and also the story behind it. Usually we'll meet for a 10 to 20 minute talk consultation about what do you feel and why. It's more like a personal talk. Then I can put their own personal thoughts into the artwork they wanted to present. So it's more like collaboration with my work and their mindset as well. Then when it comes to the artwork, I'm going to tell them each character's meaning, and then how that sounds beautiful, what does it mean to them, and how that means to us.

Then they would love this idea about it. So it is not like copy and paste, like the mass merchandise that they can easily buy from Amazon. It is about their personal and individual and personalized artwork that they can hang on their wall, or as a gift to others. So that's one of the calligraphy services that I'm going to provide. I'm also going to put that into my international perspective, my ideas, my past experiences, into the calligraphy, and how I feel about this vibe, this atmosphere, this people, so kindness give it to me. I'm also going to combine all of that into my artwork. So this is one of the ways. And secondly, I'm also providing the Mandarin services, the teaching. So learning the language is also very daunting, but it's also very fun. The thing is, when you are learning languages, when you go to travel, when you go to Asia, go to China to travel, you always feel like, when you actually understand what other people are talking, it gives you more confidence, more than the translation tools.

And then you don't need to pay for the very expensive private tours as well. It's about, when you construct the conversation with the people you randomly met, who actually help you, that can become more like friends in the longer term. So I feel like learning language is so fun. So I would like to help people with learning Mandarin as well. And also it's about cross-cultural communication. So I'm open to have this talk and to provide this insight with any different culture about Asia, about China, about our culture, in English or in Chinese. It's so fun to learn more about it. And then, what is like pros and cons, you need to know ahead of time before you pack your bags to go on a trip. There was something that you need to anticipate, you need to expect. So the online are not a hundred percent to be reliable to draw upon. I feel like when you listen to a talk, when you have this conversation, you will know more about it. So this is something that I'm about to do, and I'm going to share more information on my Instagram, that is B-E-R-Y-L-C-U-I. So my Instagram, I'm going to put my personal website on that link as well. So that's one of the ways that people can reach me for that.

Lisa Belisle: Well, I look forward to your website. It seems like you already have a lot of really wonderful things to offer people, and I'm sure people who are listening today or watching are going to be intrigued enough to reach out to you. So I can't wait to see your website. I can't wait to see what happens next for you.

Beryl Cui: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

Lisa Belisle: Yes, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for coming in today.

Beryl Cui: Thank you for having me. I'm really happy about that. Thank you. Thank you.

Lisa Belisle: I'm Dr. Lisa Belisle, and you've been listening to or watching Radio Maine, our video podcast where we explore and celebrate creativity and the human spirit. Today we've been speaking with Beryl Cui. She is many things, but a cross-cultural educator, a calligrapher, an artist. And if you're interested, please do find her on Instagram as she said, or you can find her on the website that she will be building. Or you can perhaps join us at one of our upcoming Portland Art Gallery openings at the Portland Art Gallery in Portland, Maine. And I'm hoping, Beryl, that you'll be willing to come back and join us again for one of those.

Beryl Cui: Yes, that would be wonderful. Yes.

Lisa Belisle: Thank you.

Beryl Cui: Thank you so much.