Portland Art Gallery Artist: Catherine Breer

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Hello, I'm Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to or watching Radio Maine, our video podcast that celebrates creativity and the human spirit, which is sponsored by and produced by the Portland Art Gallery located in Portland, Maine. Today I'm speaking with Portland Art Gallery artist Catherine Breer. Good to have you today.

Catherine Breer: Thank you.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I should say that you are a very new Portland Art Gallery artist, however you are by no means a new artist. You have been in the Maine art scene for decades.

Catherine Breer: Twenty years. That's two decades.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: That's a long time.

Catherine Breer: It goes by fast.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Yes, it does. I'm fascinated, however, by the fact that you grew up in Seoul, Korea. Tell me about that.

Catherine Breer: So my parents were missionaries. They were both professors. My dad was a professor at a seminary and my mom was a professor of social work, and I grew up in Seoul. We moved there when I was two, and so I grew up speaking the language surrounded by Korean culture, and it's really culturally my home. I probably spent 20 years there altogether.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: And do you go back?

Catherine Breer: I have not been back since 2006.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Do you think you will go back?

Catherine Breer: Yes. My plan is to try to go back in the next few years. My daughter is adopted from Korea as well, so I would love to go back with her. She's 24 now.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: It seems like that could be a really interesting experience. I'm guessing that if you haven't been back for a while, there might've been some changes.

Catherine Breer: Oh yeah. Even in 2006 when we went back, my old neighborhood, which was this sleepy little neighborhood tucked behind Ewha Womans University, which is one of the biggest women's universities in the world. We had this wonderful little quiet neighborhood of one story houses. And I went back and I was like, I don't even know where my street is. And I finally found where my house was. There was an eight story building, completely changed, but it still is the smells and the sounds and the sights that really pull at my heartstrings.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Isn't that interesting? Because every so often, I don't know if I'm in a state of dozing off or daydreaming or whatever it is, I'll just get these weird flashes of houses that I grew up in when I was much, much younger. I have no idea why. I'm not thinking about growing up. I'm not thinking about those houses, but the fact they're kind of flashing into my memory tells me, alright, those neurons are still hanging on to that. And it really was an important part of my development. So I guess it makes me wonder, in your case, how much of an impact did it have on your future creativity?

Catherine Breer: That's interesting because for a long time I didn't make a connection. I wasn't really sure what the connection was. I knew there was something, and then I realized one day I was looking at, I love the paintings on the Buddhist temples in Korea. They're very colorful, very geometric, bright, and all of a sudden I realized maybe that's where I draw a connection. I love color, I love pattern. I'm also a graphic designer. My professional life has been as a graphic designer. So I think there is a connection there for sure.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I didn't know that about the paintings and the Buddhist temples in Korea. When I think of Buddhism, I think water lilies and lotuses and serenity and simplicity, and maybe I have to rethink my understanding.

Catherine Breer: I think a lot of those things do come out in my work. My palette has changed over the years. My palette isn't quite as bright as it was maybe 20 years ago. I think maybe there was more of a connection there in terms of color. But yeah, there's a lot of connection there. I think that it may be kind of buried even. And I have yet to discover what those connections are.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Why at this stage in your career have you decided to affiliate with an art gallery? I know that you've had different phases of putting your art into the world, and I think you're pretty well-known independently as an artist. So what is the actual benefit to you of making the shift?

Catherine Breer: There's a number of reasons, but I love the idea of my art being somewhere that is so accessible. Portland Art Gallery, right on Middle Street.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Right.

Catherine Breer: I'm still getting ready for this, so people can walk in off the street. It's beautiful. It's a big space. I'm in the company of some other really amazing artists, many of whom I already know. So it feels like kind of a family almost with those other artists. We've all done shows together. We've all been in auctions, plein air auctions together. So a lot of us go way back. And I think just the visibility, getting my work out there more, I tend to be pretty prolific, so I'd just love to get more eyes on my work, I guess.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I personally have always loved your work, and I think because I live in Yarmouth and I know you're from Freeport, maybe that's because I just happen to be around it, but for me, it's something that's very recognizable and something that I always kind of equate with this area, with Yarmouth, with Maine for me personally. But I think there is something, I would say it's somewhat iconic, really, for the region.

Catherine Breer: That's a really wonderful thing to hear. Thank you. I never run out of things to paint in Maine. It's endless. There's so many things. And then I'll get on these jags where I love painting reflections in the water, and so I'll do that for a while, or clouds. I have a series that I always had in the back of my mind that I've wanted to do, and I've completed two paintings in this series of it's dusk and looking in people's windows, or it's that feeling of the darkness with the light. That's something I really want. That's a series that I think is in the future at some point.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: What is your connection to Maine? It's pretty far away from Seoul.

Catherine Breer: I know. It's so funny, so random. Just completely random. My ex-husband and I, we had moved out to Seattle and we got married, and then we were coming back to the east coast. He was from Boston. We didn't want to go back to Boston. And we had really discovered our love of the outdoors when we were in Seattle. So we had a shortlist of Northampton, Massachusetts, Burlington, Vermont, and Portland, Maine. And we thought we're sort of politically and just matched up with what we wanted, and I said, I've got to go to the ocean. I have to go to the ocean. So we just came to Portland, neither of us had jobs. People were like, what are you doing? And I've been here ever since. And that was 30 years ago.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: That's an interesting thing. I was born in Burlington and I went to medical school in Burlington. I love Burlington, but I feel exactly the same way. I visit Burlington. Our son lives out in Burlington, and I still could never get that far away from the ocean.

Catherine Breer: No, to me, the ocean is everything. It's so healing, just smelling it and being near it. I really don't know. Somehow I need that connection. I grew up in Seoul, obviously not on the ocean, but every summer we went to this magical place where a lot of missionaries had these really rustic cabins. They were hilarious. Bats would get in and some of them didn't have electricity, but it was right on the ocean and we would just spend the whole summer there. And I always think about that, and that's really formative to me, being near the ocean.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Given that both of your parents were missionaries and both of your parents were professors, did you ever feel pulled to go in that direction yourself?

Catherine Breer: It's interesting. I went along to church and we would go to country churches and my dad would preach, and they're expected to preach for quite some time. And I am a child and I'm just looking, trying to get his eye and looking at my watch yawning, trying to get him to stop. But I never felt, I don't know, I never had that belief. They did. My father's belief was much more intellectual. My mother's was very visceral, and they're both incredibly intelligent, smart. My mother went to Columbia, my dad went to Yale. But I never really felt a connection. And it wasn't until I discovered Buddhism maybe. And it's funny, I grew up with Buddhism. I never really knew much about it until I finally started studying and learning about it. And I was like, this is more what I feel and believe. And so I've had conversations with my dad and mom about it, and I think it bothered my mom more that I wasn't more religious, but my father and I can talk about it pretty openly and he gets it.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: And what is it about Buddhism in particular that appeals to you?

Catherine Breer: I think it's just the reverence for the earth, the reverence for the peace and kindness and the way of looking at relationships and the world. It just feels like a really kind way to live. And I saw a lot of hypocrites growing up, a lot of people who were missionaries who didn't really behave in a very nice way. And not that every Buddhist is a wonderful person, but it feels to me less like a religion and more like a way, sort of a guide of how to live your life in a way that's in harmony with other people in the world.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I think that makes sense. And one of the things I've always liked about Buddhism is the idea of the Bodhisattva, the warrior of compassion, that you actually have to actively go out into the world and sort of defend the need for compassion and treating people humanely, which I think is really fascinating because often we think about things like compassion or love as very passive. And so the way that they've kind of changed that model so that we understand, oh, it is actually an effort. It is an effort to exist in the world in this very specific way. It's work to change your mind and your thinking and owning your grief, owning your sadness, just living with it and not drinking or whatever it is that you do to avoid those feelings. I think that's been really healing for me too in some parts of my life. So how do you deal with the needing to not attach? That's not easy for people, not attaching yourself to people, not attaching yourself to ideas. I think that's one of the things that as I read through Buddhism, this idea of this great emptiness, this great void, this lack of attachment. And I only have a very superficial understanding relative to many people, but for many people I think that's kind of scary, the idea of emptiness.

Catherine Breer: It is. It's really scary. I remember it's kind of that feeling I had when I was, I think six years old, seven years old, and that realization of death and being no longer, and I just couldn't understand it, the not being, and I still don't really understand the ego and getting rid of the ego and not attaching. It's not an easy concept to wrap your head around. And like I said, I've studied a little bit. I certainly don't know enough. I think I could study it the rest of my life and not really understand. But there are parts of it that just resonate with me so much more than any of the religion. And I went to Sunday school and I went to a missionary high school, a Christian high school, so we had to take Bible study and the name of our sports team was the Crusaders. Kind of funny. So I think it's just always learning, changing, growing. Same with art. I just don't want to always do the same thing.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: So how do you see the kind of intersections, parallels between the work that you've done as a graphic designer and a visual artist of a different sort? Are there overlaps? Are they completely separate? How do you approach this?

Catherine Breer: Definitely. In fact, I think sometimes I feel like it's been detrimental because sometimes I feel like my edges are too neat and tidy. And as a graphic designer, I'm very organized and I like things to be lined up and everything to work in the space. I think spatially there's a real connection with perspective. And how are you going to position that, whatever it is. Is it a boat? Are you going to just put it right in the center? Are you going to move it to the side? It's the spatial organization, I think, that definitely overlaps. I remember at one time I wanted to loosen up, I tried painting with my left hand. That didn't go very well. So I'm always trying to loosen up. And I think that's still a goal for me, is to loosen up a bit in my art.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: This is something that I think about all the time. I am not an artist per se, not a person who picks up a paintbrush. I would say I think about creativity a lot because my type of art is maybe writing or singing or something like that. But my day job is medicine administration and mostly pretty linear, similarly. And so I think about, on an ongoing basis, your neurons are kind of aligned in a certain way, the pathways are typically firing in a very specific way. How do you pull those neurons apart and say, okay, let's create some space, let's make some different connections in a different way. How do you continue to keep those other creative neurons firing so that you can somehow do both simultaneously?

Catherine Breer: I think it's a challenge. I work for L.L. Bean, and it's a challenge to switch that gear, but I am one of those people, I cannot stop making things. I'm constantly, I knit, I garden. I am basically painting with my landscape, with my plants. I have a huge garden and yard, and I'm just constantly creating and doing things and making things. It's what makes me happy, to create something, even if it's just painting a wall in my house. It's really satisfying. And I was talking to another artist recently about art and this feeling I get when I'm really into it and I'm painting something and I'll put it aside and I'll go to bed or whatever. First thing in the morning I want to look at it again. And that's when I know that I'm really in that zone and I really get into it, and it'll come and go. I'll have weeks where I'll be like that. Then I'll have some time. I just need to rest. Maybe some days I'm like, oh, I have five hours to paint. And I just sit there, lie there. I don't feel creative today. So I allow myself to. It's okay, you do something else, go for a walk or whatever.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I think I read or somebody told me once, that one way to keep yourself engaged in your writing was to stop in the middle of a sentence.

Catherine Breer: Oh.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: So that way, the writing kind of pulls you back in, similar to what you're describing. You're left with a sense of a lack of completion and you still want to go back and you want to explore further.

Catherine Breer: Yes, absolutely. And the painting, it's almost like it's calling you and you can't walk by and you're like, oh, I can't wait to get back to it. And I think that's when magic happens, is when you get into that feeling, in that zone.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: And I also think that you're right about the space, that even if you thought you were going to paint for five hours, even if you're just looking at the clouds or going for a walk, it's almost as though you're providing that. It's like a neuron bath. You may not be doing something with your hands, but you're doing something inside yourself so that it's somehow coming to that next place where, oh, I'm ready now, actually I can do this. So I think that's very important.

Catherine Breer: I'm also always just looking at everything. And I love finding those little moments where you're like, oh, look at that window and those bottles in that window. Isn't that interesting? And I wouldn't get that if I didn't go out for a walk or a drive. So I think all those moments are really important and make up the whole of being a creative person.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: If you're always looking at things, particularly if you're a visual person, do you ever reach a point of saturation where you say, okay, I've had too many things to look at. I've had too many things to work on at work, I have to somehow shut down those senses, or does that not happen for you?

Catherine Breer: I think what happens is that I still see them, but maybe I'm not processing them in the same way.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: So it's almost like you're looking at it, but you're not. It's like you drove home and you can't really remember how you got home.

Catherine Breer: I think that's what happens to me sometimes. I'm really visually like, wow, I'm really looking at something. And other times probably I've had a long day at work, I've been on the computer or whatever. I may see it, but it may not make the same impact.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: So I know that you and I share a connection. My daughter-in-law's father is your colleague at L.L. Bean, and also you live in Freeport and they live in Freeport. So you're connected with our family, sort of tangentially, locally. Tell me about the Freeport community. The thing I remain fascinated by is you have L.L. Bean, which is enormous and a wonderful employer, but then you have all these neighborhoods that still exist around this very large store that attracts people from literally all over the world. What has your experience been?

Catherine Breer: Well, having kids in the school system and growing up, they went all the way through Freeport schools. There's a community behind all that people may not be aware of, but it was such a wonderful community to be a part of. I was involved in the whole renovation of the high school, a group of women. It started with book club, and we were talking about the high school was built in 1961. It was awful. There were terrible fields. It was well known, people didn't even want to play on our fields. And so we got together, we painted the teacher's lounge, we did a few things, and then we started talking, we need to really do something. And so we got some money from the town, the town council or the school board, to do a plan, and it just snowballed. And now there's a new high school and a turf field. So I think the community really came together and got that done. But one thing I would mention, something funny about kids being young. My son was in middle school or something, and you would hear from another mother, I just saw a bunch of boys with silly string on Main Street, and so they couldn't get away with a whole lot. The parents had eyes out.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Yes, I would think that between all the businesses, including L.L. Bean, but all the parents, probably Freeport is not the place that you're going to want to try to engage in mischief.

Catherine Breer: No, no. Because somebody would know someone, and in that sense, it's a small community when it comes to when you have your kids that are in school. But it's been wonderful to live here for 30 years. This is the longest I've lived anywhere outside of Korea.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Will you keep living here?

Catherine Breer: Yeah. My kids are settled here. My daughter also works at L.L. Bean, she started as an intern two years ago, and she's been hired. So it's pretty nice.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: That's something that I've always thought is pretty magical about that particular company. It's grown to this very well-known company around the world and large. It's probably one of the area's biggest employers, I would say. And I think the idea that it has brought not only recognition, but also created an economy around itself is pretty incredible, really, for a small state like Maine.

Catherine Breer: Yeah, it's been a fabulous place to work. And the thing I love about it is it's like family. People have become family and friends, and it is very welcoming. It's just a great place to be. Very fortunate. I've been self-employed pretty much my whole career until I went to L.L. Bean, and it was just on a temporary assignment, and then they asked me to stay, and I thought, well, it might be nice to have health insurance and 401k, because I had to do that all myself, all those years. So it's been great.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: And I know that L.L. Bean similarly supports not just artists by employing them, but also I think a big part of even their mission is to bring artists in and to actually sell their pieces. So there's local Maine authors and artisans, and so it's not just the stuff that is created by L.L. Bean factories, but they're actually showcasing people who live here and from this region.

Catherine Breer: And then the catalog, we have usually a painted cover every year. For one of the catalogs, we hire illustrators to do different illustrated catalog covers. So it's kind of been fun to be on that side of hiring these people and looking at the work. It's really fun.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: So coming into the Portland Art Gallery, what are some of your hopes and dreams? What would you like to see evolve in your career as an artist?

Catherine Breer: I guess I just would love to have more visibility. I think having all my art on the website is going to be so beneficial. More people can see what's actually available. And being part of that community of other artists I think is really important to me too. So I'm really looking forward to that and having it be kind of like a family, almost like L.L. Bean. So I think there's just going to be a lot of benefits.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: I'm always struck by, in the openings that are done for artists, once a month at the Portland Art Gallery, other artists come to support the fellow artists and families come, community members come, people who purchase the art come, and it really does kind of create this ongoing connection. So once a month on a Thursday, the first Thursday of every month from five to seven, you can go and you can find your people to hang out with, which is a little bit like church. It's just no religion exactly, but still a place to gather.

Catherine Breer: I also am amazed, I've thought about this for years, about how generous Maine artists are to each other and how open and how non-competitive. I would've expected in some of these situations that I've been in, for it to feel more competitive, and maybe it's different in other parts of the country, but Maine artists are so supportive of each other. I've done so many trades. Oh, I like your painting. Oh, I like your painting. Let's trade. I have all this original artwork from doing that, and people giving advice, don't do that show, do this show. It's a really wonderful, giving, in-kind community of artists that I have been privileged to be a part of.

Dr. Lisa Belisle: Well, Catherine, I know you and I have known each other for a few years, but it's nice to be able to reconnect with you. I've enjoyed my conversation with you today. I'm Dr. Lisa Belisle and you have been listening to or watching Radio Maine, our video podcast that celebrates and explores creativity in the human spirit and is sponsored and produced by the Portland Art Gallery located in Portland, Maine. And now where you'll find artist Catherine Breer. I encourage you to come to maybe one of our openings, but definitely go to the website or spend some time in person admiring her art because I certainly do. Thank you very much for being here today.

Catherine Breer: Thank you.