Gratitude with Kristine Newell: Speaker and Author

And today I am speaking with author and professional speaker Christine Newell. It's wonderful to have you here today. Thank you for having me, Lisa. I'm so excited to have this opportunity to chat with you. I Think it's wonderful to know that your first book is all about gratitude because gratitude is something that we can all use, and I think it really can help us reframe things if we're going through a tough time or even if we're going through a great time to acknowledge when things are going well. So tell me why this was the focus you wanted to take as you embarked upon your career as an author and professional speaker. Well, thank you for the question. I've found personally that gratitude has really been what I like to call a life raft for me. And I did survive the downturn of the real estate market back then. I was selling real estate as a single mom with three kids in Connecticut and back in oh 8, 0 9, the market had a meltdown. And with it, my marriage had a meltdown, my financial status had a meltdown, and I found myself kind of at rock bottom and what I like to call my butter moment. But really the way forward for me was focusing every single day on the small blessings in my life. And that helped to transform me into someone that was grateful. And in time I found that I was able to build upon that to help put my life back together. And I found that when I consciously focused on gratitude, my attitude changed, and in fact, my whole persona changed. So I really credit gratitude with helping me to attract the life that I wanted and getting me out of that depressed state. Sometimes it's hard when you're at rock bottom and you're going through really difficult times to actually feel gratitude. I mean, it really takes a kind of conscious decision to think, alright, these are some little things that I can be happy for. How did you accomplish that? Yeah, and I definitely agree with that. Here's the thing about what I like to call a habit of grateful. It's a little different because the more that you build this muscle, you will find that you can easily use this skill, refocus your attention by telling yourself 10 things you're grateful for in that moment. And you will actually transform your energy in that moment and get to a state of gratitude. So if you do it just once in a while, it might not work as well. Of course, it definitely can help get you out of a bad mood. But I've just learned that the true benefits of gratitude come from practicing it every single day. And that's why in the book I talk about having a morning routine focused around gratitude. So do you start your day with your 10 things that you are grateful for that are coming up, or 10 things that you're grateful for from the day before? Absolutely. I believe too many people wake up, open their eyes, grab their phone and start scrolling. And what that does is it floods your mind with images, so many events in the world, perhaps a lot of negativity, and it can really set the tone of your entire day. So instead, my suggestion is to be very intentional and on purpose, wake up, avoid the temptation of looking at the phone and spend 15, 20 minutes with yourself. And I love to, I have a journal and I just literally write down things I'm grateful for in that moment. I then go into some positive affirmations. But this allows you to focus your energy on being grateful and thinking about the day ahead. And I'll just say, every day that you wake up and you're alive, that's a gift. That is the most precious gift to be here, to have a whole day in front of you with a major opportunity, right? Anything can happen, anything's possible. So it can remind you that even the simple act of waking up and being alive, that is something you should be grateful for every single morning. Yes. When I used to take care of veterans for patients who are older, and I'd ask them, how are you doing? I would often get the response, well, I'm on the right side of the grass. So I thought, yeah, that's a good way to look at it. You're still upright, you're still walking around and whatever this world has to offer, you still get to experience it. Yes, a hundred percent. I love that You said that you were the single mom of three kids and you're experiencing this financial downturn. Not only did you have to be your own inspiration, you also had to inspire your kids. Did you bring them into a gratitude practice with you? Absolutely. So to this day, I love to ask the kids what are they grateful for today? I found it's a nice way when they get home from school to ask them not just how was your day? Because typically you get, it was fine. Most kids don't answer that very well. But is there one thing that you're grateful for today? So that's a really easy dinner practice. And I love the fact that you said back then, not only did you have to help yourself, but you had kids to obviously be responsible for. And I think as moms, a lot of times now I have four children. I'm very, very blessed. I have four children. But a lot of times people say, how do you do it? And I say, well, you're a mom. There's not really a choice. You just get it done. You figure out a way forward and you get it done. And it's interesting because a lot of moms that practice gratitude include being grateful for their children. And so when you have a tough situation, maybe like a teenager or other moments that all of us moms have secretly crying in a closet, I mean, we've all done it. You can practice gratitude. I actually had a really, a friend who went through a horrible experience during Covid. My daughter was very good friends with a young man named Matt and I talk about this in the book, and he passed away in a very tragic, horrible accident. And that experience as a mom, I will tell you, was horrific to have to obviously bear witness to that and the family and everything that they've been through. But we have to be grateful for being a parent if we're blessed and lucky enough to be a parent because people lose their children. There are people in this world that want to be parents that are not able to be. And just taking it down to that singular level of, wow, I'm grateful I have a child. Even if it's a tough day, it can really just change your outlook in that moment. So I write about that in the book and watching my daughter go through that loss, how it affected her, that was a really, really tough moment for us and our community. The thing that I am struck by is as much as we think as adults that we may have tools to offer our children, when you're going through really difficult times like the loss of a classmate, I am not sure that we always have the tools that we would like to have for our own children. I think sometimes there are things they get from other people, things they get from classmates, from school counselors, so it can feel sometimes hopeless like, I can't really offer you anything. Did you ever have that feeling yourself? Oh, for sure. I mean, the first thing I wanted to do was lock her in her room forever, because when tragedy is that close to you, you recognize how easy things happen in life. But of course, that's not an option. But yeah, I mean, even as a parent, I struggled with that for a long time, just thinking of her out driving and everything. I think that what I did learn is she did get the most support from her peers. They went through this grieving process together and they're were very tight group of kids and saw her heal little by little, but it's always raw. When you experience loss, the hurt never really goes away. And I do believe though that gratitude is one of those things that can help you when you're going through a really tough life event, like a death, divorce, an illness, because there are so many things that are free. Even if you think about nature, like the beauty of a sunset or the sounds of ocean, going for a gratitude walk, which is a great way if you like to walk, to infuse it with a little bit of gratitude, but it really can help you. And a lot of people I've talked to that have gone through loss and tough times, gratitude just emerges, like I said, this life raft and it helps get them through. I do think there's something about being a parent too that just keeps us moving forward, which I used to think of it when I went through a divorce myself and had three children and we were just trying to get us just get all to a new place of normalcy as normal as it could be, I always thought of it as putting on my big girl pants. I didn't feel like I could really do it. I felt like I didn't have as many resources as maybe even my own children. I'm like, but I'm going to put those pants on and I'm going to get up and I'm going to go to work and I'm going to put the money in the bank account and we're going to make sure that the rent gets paid. And it just kind of propelled me forward that at the end of the day, we still have to eat. And that was for me, the good thing about having these children is there's some very human needs that we were all responding to. And that's several years ago now, more than a decade obviously. But it helps to have other people around you that you need to do things for. It does. Yeah. And I love how you said you just kind of figure it out. And I agree. I think people think moms have all the answers and we really don't. Right? You just kind of wing it and pray and just trust that you're doing the right thing by leading with love and leading with positivity. So I think for me, when I look at my four children, it's interesting. People say, you make all the mistakes with kid one, and then by kid four you're like, whatever. So I agree and concur with that. Motherhood is very humbling. It is my favorite job of all the jobs I've had in life. But I think those of us that have gotten through it, we all can kind of wink at each other and smile and acknowledge that Yes, it's very true. And I now have three stepsons. So collectively, my husband and I have six children, and I feel like, wow, these are my bonus children. I did not have to actually give birth to them, but they are all lovely individuals, wonderful humans, and they're mom and dad did a great job before I even came into their life. I just get to enjoy them. So that's actually one of the interesting things about going through one of these sort of fracturing relational things that happens that none of us ever wants to go through, is that sometimes you come out on the other side and you're like, okay, well, wasn't great, but I'm in a better place now. I love that you have such a big family. That's great. And I myself poor kids, and I'm blessed to have my parents here still and my sister. So I feel like I'm so lucky. And I do think that one thing I've really tried to focus on is telling people more how much I appreciate them and really trying to use gratitude in my relationships because I've found that most of us don't say those words enough. Even something as simple as when you write a birthday card to that special, someone in your family write an extra two to three sentences and tell them that you appreciate them and why be very specific. And there's a lot of studies and research that show when we use gratitude with others, not only do we still get the benefits which are physical, mental and just incredible benefits, but then you give that spark of joy to someone else. And it's interesting, one of the things I uncovered in my research, I believe that people want to feel that they matter. That that is really one of the fundamental pillars of happiness and joy and life. So when you write a note to someone telling them that you appreciate them and why they have this gift that they matter in a profound way. So I think especially with family, it's something we can all do a little bit better. Yes, my mom and dad, but more my mom really kind of made sure that we all wrote thank you notes really for every occasion. And I still enjoy receiving thank you notes in the mail, and I enjoy sending them off myself. And in fact, just yesterday I had a tough day at work and I happened to need to write a thank you note for it was a birthday gift. And I sat down and I wrote the thank you note, and I was like, oh, well that actually made me feel better. So I kind of got two gifts. I got the gift of the birthday gift, and I got the gift of writing the thank you note, which kind of helped me reframe things. So great point there. Absolutely. Tell me, you've gotten yourself to a place now where you are an author and professional speaker, but this is something that you've worked up to and you've had simultaneous jobs, you still have a real estate license. What was the place where you said, you know what, I'm ready to launch. I'm ready to do this next thing and have that be my sole focus? Yeah, I think once I wrote the book, which came out about a year ago, it really just ignited a passion in me to help others. And I wasn't prepared for the amount of outreach I got when my book, the Habit of Grateful Launched, and it's been very much like grassroots. I've not widely promoted it. Most people that read it gift it to someone else, which I was very surprised by. I didn't anticipate that. But I have to say, Lisa, the people that would send me a direct message or send me an email or a text or call me and they said, this book helped me. It helped me when I was in a dark, deep place and your words and sharing your story, it's changed my life. It changed the way I'm thinking. And so when you get a few of those, you go, wow, you start to question your purpose in life. And that's really what happened for me. I mean, I've enjoyed it. A phenomenal career in real estate for the last 22 years and the last 12 spent in executive leadership. So really working alongside some very high performance teams and luxury real estate. So the best of the best. But I think I just got to a place where I said, I need to help more people. I want to affect change with many people. I want to get my message out there. So I think the book really fueled that, and it culminated for me. Actually, my dad was in the hospital about six months ago and we didn't know if he was going to make it. He did a very serious health issue, thankfully, I'm happy to report he is still here and he's dealing with some health issues. But in that moment, it was a wake up call. I said to myself, okay, at my age, I'm late forties. I've raised four kids, one more still at home, but if I don't do this now, I'm never going to do it. And I just thought, I'm going to just go for it. I'm going to take the leap. Because I believed so much in the message and just made that decision. It was a tough decision. And so as I'm getting started, every day is a challenge. I mean, I am it accounting, marketing, everything. But it's interesting, I was reading Carol Z Wack, she's written a lot of books on a positive mindset, and I came across a passage and she said the words not yet. And not, I can't, or I won't, or I'm going to give up, but just not yet. So I'm being gentle myself and reminding myself every day like, okay, you're going to get there. And it's just not yet. But yeah, it's fun. It's going very well, and I've had so many people reach out. Well, that's interesting that you had mentioned Carol Dweck and also Not yet because that's literally my catchphrase and I bring it up. Oh my gosh. And I think I just talked with the last person that I interviewed for the radio show, and that is absolutely the way that I feel because I think it enables us to have this sense that we will get there. We're gathering momentum, we're gathering skills, we're gathering speed, and sometimes it takes time to do that. In my book, I actually close the book out with a chapter about sunset. So here I'm now in southwest Florida, and sunset is really a thing here. You go to the beach, you bring a chair, you watch the sunset just like you're watching a sports event or a live theater event. And every time I go, I find myself in a space of reflection. And it actually triggered an exercise I did not long ago with a coach in which I went back to the me, my old house, my kid's little, and I really spent time visualizing the old me talking to her in the here and now and recognizing how far I had come. And sometimes we don't stop and really appreciate our own achievements. I think that's something, I don't do a lot of that, and especially to do an exercise like that. It was wild. It was just so wild. So the last chapter of the book, I talk about doing that exercise in the lessons I've learned, and one of my big turning points in life was when I learned the law of authenticity and the law of authenticity really is that you are enough. You alone, you are a gift. And it's not about how much money you have or how beautiful you are, how smart you are. It's a simple act of being a giver to others and helping others in life. And I feel that as long as I have more to give, I'll always have value. And a sunset reminds us of that, right? That life is just a series of the sun rising and setting with that beauty. And every sunset is so different, but what we know for sure is every night that sun's going to go down, but guess what? Tomorrow morning it's going to rise again. And so for me, sunsets and that self inner inner reflection, it was very moving. And so it's great that you brought that up. We Live in Maine, obviously we get the sunrise. So I feel similarly about the sunrise, but when I went to California to visit my son and his wife, it was the same thing. The whole beach we were staying near San Diego and the beach that was just lined with people who are watching the sun go down. And I thought, wow, what a collective experience of mindfulness that people are getting together and the colors were gorgeous. So I feel like even that and that willingness to celebrate something that doesn't have to be manufactured, it's going to happen anyway, and you do it as a group is a great thing to be grateful for. So I think you're bringing this forward as kind of a touch point is very moving. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. It's nothing more powerful. And they say to look for the green flash right before the sun finally goes down. So what was looking for that green flash? Yes, I think when I was working with a photographer one time, he told me that photographers love the golden hour just after the sun sets because you still have beautiful colors in the sky, but you don't have the shadows that are cast by the sun. So it's like this whole thing is just an ongoing experience that we have the possibility of paying to. So as you think about your next year or your years ahead, what would you like to manifest for yourself? I mean, ideally, what would you like to be speaking about? I mean, I know we've talked about gratitude and being authentic and not yet, so what are the main messages that you are wanting to share with people that you've found to be important in your own life? Thank you. So I do have a life list. I think it's so crucial that each one of us has a life list or a bucket list, as some people call it. I just rewrote mine recently. But I believe obviously that gratitude is very powerful. And I love right now to be out there speaking about gratitude. I also feel that emotional intelligence has a place in the workplace, in corporate settings as we call that. I think that when we work, it's not just about the work we're doing, it's about the holistic person. And I believe as a leader, it's our duty to recognize the people we work with in a holistic sense and really get clear on their life purpose and their goals and how you can help them grow. And it's not just them putting in their eight hours. So I think that's a very important topic. I've worked in leadership for over 12 years, and I always try to embrace that holistic person. So I think that's crucial. And I'm also writing a second book, which is fiction with a message. And I do believe maybe it's a little bit more spiritual, some might say this particular work, but I think there's such a message about a life well lived and filling your heart with joy, giving to others. And I believe that each one of us has our own self reckoning. And I think that's a powerful way of looking at life. You judge yourself. It's not what other people think about you, it's in your quiet moments. How are you doing? How do you feel about your life? And again, focusing on the principles of giving to others and loving fully and finding joy and beauty in life, which I think is so crucial. So I think those would be the messages that are meaningful and have purpose and really help others. I know that you said that you spent 12 years in leadership, so you're obviously well, well-versed in people skills and presentations and working with people. One-on-one, as you expand your reach and you start doing more speaking gigs professionally and you're speaking to larger and larger audiences, do you feel like you're going to be drawing on a different set of skills in order to do this so that you can continue to create a personalized message that reaches individuals by you're doing it on this larger scale? For sure. I mean, I think I've been fortunate enough in my career that I've done a fair amount of speaking and creating content. So I feel like I have some of those skills, but of course now it's in a different sense. And I do believe that each one of us has unique gifts and strengths and weaknesses. Of course, I have lots of those too, right? I've learned that sometimes my style of being super vulnerable and showing the scars, maybe that's not everyone's cup of tea, but I think there's a myth. There's no such thing as perfection. And that's why I love Brene Brown and her work so much. I was just actually reading one of her old blog posts and she says, it's not a midlife crisis, it's a midlife unraveling. And she talked so much about we spend the first half of our life kind of running away from all these things that bother us about growing up or whatever, or these pain points. And then we spend the rest of our life digging into them and making sense of 'em. So I think that we are seeing more people right now, more research, more talks on the holistic person. I think there's a big place for that at the table. But the other thing about my past 12 years is I am a person that smashes every goal. And so basically in my former career, my last company did over 10 billion in sales was a few years ago, one of the biggest records we broke. And I would show up every day and just I felt give 150%. And what can happen though very easily is you can burn out. And so you can give 150%. And the problem is then you save nothing for yourself or your kids. And next thing you know, spend the day on the couch on Sunday, Monday's coming and you're charging your batteries. So that's not good. That's not healthy. And I think we have to do a better job of having work-life balance, especially if you're an overachiever like me. I mean, I'm not saying that is always a good thing, but we have to recognize, again, the holistic person, and that starts with you. That started with me, and I needed to readjust my energy so that I could save some for me. That makes a lot of sense. And I think particularly as I think with well women, but also people who do not identify as being female, I think boundaries is something that many people struggle with. And that one of the ways to make sure that you have enough for yourself is just create a little fence around the things that you kind of allow and don't allow into the personal pasture. Because it's sometimes hard, especially if you are a go-getter or a perfectionist. You're like, I'm going to do everything for everybody and I'm going to do it right now or yesterday, and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. But then what happens is you're kind of out there doing all this for everybody else that you're absolutely right. By the end of the week, you have nothing left for yourself. And I've found personally that it's hard to be creative when I no longer I've done it for everybody else. And now my creativity, my bucket is completely empty. It's on the floor, it's rolled away. So how do we make sure that we, I guess, fill our buckets back up again? And sometimes for me, it's been boundary setting. Have you found that to be true? Oh, for sure. Yeah, I agree with that. I think it starts ultimately with yourself and having the boundaries and retaining enough for yourself, that is crucial. Knowing your limits, understanding. You can't do something after work every single night, five days a week. I mean, you just get exhausted. So knowing when you have to say no, and I think we're all, I'm still learning. This is, and especially starting my own business, it's funny, my husband said, you still don't have to get up at five 30 every day and work these crazy days. I'm like, yes, I do. Now more than ever, I got to get this thing off the ground. But I do think that staying in a positive mindset, I know my batteries have a longer charge, and I live in the positive. And I do have really, I'm so blessed. I have the most amazing friends and family, and they also help recharge your batteries, just others. And it's interesting, I was reading a book by Brendan Bouchard and he says, we are our own energy manufacturing plant. We make our own energy. So if you're feeling like you're in a slump or you're too tired, that's on you. And he has a lot of different exercises that you can do both physically get up and move around and do certain things as well as mental health ways. But I also feel that getting good sleep and limiting the alcohol, it's so easy to just come home and drink wine every night, and that's not good for your sleep. So I think there are some self-care things we can do. I love to take a nice bath and read a book, and I dunno about you, Lisa, but I'm always reading two books. I'm always reading a fiction book because I love fiction and a nonfiction because I love to learn. And so I have two going at once and I kind of go in and out of both of them. So Christine, what are you reading right now? Oh my gosh. So I just finished The Giver of Stars. I think I have it here by Jojo Moise, if you've ever The Giver of Stars. That was great. That was a really fun book. And I'm in a book club with some ladies, which is great. It's a fun way to talk about fiction. So I'm reading that. And then I am reading a coaching book, which dunno where it went, but I'm reading a coaching book, I am doing some coaching. And this particular one was fascinating because it talks about the old style of coaching, which was being tough. You had to be tough on players, say if you're basketball, football coach and this illusion of toughness, which it's a great way to try to force results, but it's not the best way. And instead coming from an encouragement basis to get performance to help someone reach their top potential. So anyway, yeah, I'm always kind of bopping in and out of so many books. How about you, Lisa? Are you reading anything fun right now? Well, you and I are on the same page, literally, because I also have multiple books going at once. And right now the book of fiction that I'm reading is called Mercury, and it's about a family in a small town that has a roofing business, but I love the interplay, the personal interplay amongst all the family characters. So I'm really enjoying that book. And then I also, I listen to a lot of books on Audible. I do a lot of time on the road and I happen to just be listening to a book about boundary setting. So it's funny how these things kind of exactly, sometimes you attract the things into your life that you need. But I'm glad to hear about the coaching piece that you described because I think it's really true, and we're actually in a new era and we need to be thinking about how we move people forward in a way that is less damaging than perhaps some of us have experienced in our own lives. So I'm really glad to hear that that mindset is changing. Absolutely, absolutely. And it's interesting the more people that I've worked with in my life, if someone comes to you with a problem, you may feel you have the solution, but in fact, they don't want you to give them the solution and that won't be effective. Instead, they're actually looking for someone maybe just vent to, and if you ask them the right questions and help lead them to figuring it out or discovering it, that in my eyes, that's the definition of a coach kind of holding up a mirror in a way that is just very helpful. And so it's a skillset, but I also feel that asking questions in general is just such a great way to converse with others. And I try to have a thought and focus on that to ask questions versus just always speaking what's on my mind. Yes, that is actually a great point. And you're so right about the fact that if you tell people what to do, generally, they don't really like that, don't really want to do it. We'll push back, especially in this day and age directive leadership I think is not as effective as perhaps it once was. But if you somehow get people to a place where they think that something was their idea, and maybe it was maybe you actually give them the space to create their own ideas, then they're going to move forward in a way that is probably faster than if you had done it the old fashioned way. A hundred percent, yes. I'm glad you're thinking about that. So when do you think your next book will be out? Oh gosh. Well, I'm working on it now. It's actually coming along pretty well, so I hope to finish it maybe like May. And then we'll be looking for the right publisher since it is a fiction novel, but kind of with a message, a spiritual element, a little bit of fantasy in there. So a little different than my last book. Very good. How can people find out about the work that you do, Christine? Well, thank you for asking Lisa. So I have a website and it's christine w newell.com. Christine, the K, and I also have an Instagram that I like to post on as well as LinkedIn. Christine, it has been a lot of fun to talk with you today. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful in my life, and I'm sure people listening will feel the same way. So I do encourage people to go to your website and learn more about the work that you do. As an author and professional speaker, I am Dr. Lisa Bile. And today, it has been my wonderful pleasure to speak with Christine Newell, a author and author, and a professional speaker, and I really wish you all the best in this next exciting adventure that you're engaging on. Christine, Thank you so much for having me.