Building Confidence Across Cultures | Beryl Cui’s Maine Story

Today I have with me an individual that I actually met at the Portland Art Gallery. Her name is Baral Twe. She is a cross-cultural communication educator and trainer by profession, but she's come to Maine and is sort of starting things over again. And I just loved your story so much when you and I were talking at the Portland Art Gallery that I wanted to know more about you and know how it is that you ended up here in the Portland area. So thanks for coming in today. Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me. So my name is Beryl. I'm a cross-cultural communication trainer and English instructor. So over the past decades I worked in education and corporate training fields and I always enjoyed the feeling that I can use my knowledge base to help a lot of individuals and organizational leaders to develop their confidence and their trust and develop a better skill in communication. So that's what I'm mainly focused on. Back to five months ago, my husband and I moved to Maine from Beijing. It's a big change for me actually. So my husband used to in college in the University of Maine. So he loved Maine so much, and geographically my hometown and where I met with my husband is the same location as in Maine. It's just like a Maine China. So we started to think about how about we start a new chapter, something new after we met and stayed in China for 10 years. So that's how we end up in Maine in this beautiful city over here. So this is something that I had first asked you about and that is the weather. And it sounds like the weather where you grew up is very similar to the weather here in the northeast. So that's not something new that you've had to get used to at All. Yeah, I just did it so well. So I got used to it actually, the snowy days, the ice and everything around there make me so excited because that brings me to the childhood that I used to picture this every single day with my mom, with my families in the wintertime. So I actually enjoy the weather here, so that didn't give me such a Big surprise. So Beryl, what was It about cross-cultural communication that appealed to you so much that you ended up pursuing this professionally? Good question. So I'm originally from China and I worked as a full-time job as a start 10 years ago. At that start, I've been working with families and students for a while. The really over the time I feel like language learning was more than just about grammar or vocabulary. It's about how to build confidence, trust and how to feel respected and being understood. So all along the way I've passed by the chance to teach a lot of business cooperations, English, so business English and that appeal to me so much because a lot of business leaders, CEOs, managers, supervisors, they all wanted to develop their language skills not only for language learning, but also for how to speak something well and confidently with another language to deliver their messages really well to another person. And they also have occasions they need to deliver the speech over 200, 300 people in public. : So I feel this is so essential and so significant for me to be in to help them to build not only for language, but also for confidence as well. Like I said, it's not only about grammar or vocabulary, it's about how can you fully express yourself. And sometimes language is one thing, it's about bonding and the connection with language is another thing. So this is so obsessing to me that I feel like, oh, I can develop that as well to help more organization leaders to develop their skills. So that's how I step on this path. So when talking to CEOs who want to communicate better with others in business, what are some of the topic areas that you would spend time on and what is some of the advice that you would Give? That's a good question. So usually they want to know more about business meetings, negotiations and online meetings and so many topics that I feel like how can I transact my mother language, Chinese, Mandarin and to English to fully develop really well and to use that skill to talk with another party. So they feel so struggling sometimes when they feel like, oh, I really want us to say this land or idioms in my own native way, that's the best way to deliver it, but they dunno how to, so I'm here to help them. Oh, that's how you say it, how to simplify it, not just so textbook kind wise, the language that we used to see from the book, but that is how to use that your mind and deliver into a more casual way and to throw it into a way that both party can understand, can understand, can fully deliver that. So that's the part I feel like, oh, that's the part that I can jump in and to help them to develop. So it sounds like that's more about translating an idiom into something that is less sort of word for word. Yes. Are there other things about communication, posture, eye contact, other things like that that you would also provide instruction on? Yes, so that part is about presentation and speech. It's one of the lessons plans that they made. So for helping them how to stand up to deliver the whole speech, like five to 10 minute speech in front of others. So this is actually very daunting for them at their first starts because they're so used to read and rely on the translation tools, but how can they get rid of script and just talk with another person or with a group of people to say something, but they also have to acknowledge some of the mistakes or worse, they mispronounce that in front of others, but they want to get their basic ideas. So that part need a little bit push. I'm here to evaluate, give them feedback, give them a lot of the useful information that they can develop and learn in the next time practice makes perfect. It's usually they need a lot of practice and then to review their mistakes and even they feel so embarrassing, so awkward at the first start, but they need to review that to improve. That makes sense. Yeah. And how about this idea of cross-cultural communication? Are there things that you noticed that in English people were doing from a communication standpoint that you wanted to make sure that the people you were working with understood because the culture was fundamentally different? Exactly. So that happens with a daily conversation. My husband and I, my husband was born in Colorado and he met me in Beijing. So when we were starting today to talk, it's actually just like, oh, there are so many things that we understand each other, but sometimes it's about the mindset or difference. So in China, in Chinese we actually to be trying to be so humble and trying to be not that direct with everything. So he is very direct, but with others when he talk to others, other people probably think this is actually rude. So that make me feel like, oh, this is not because of the behavior, rude or politeness, it's about the mindset. It's about decades, decades of years of the cultural differences made us different. So as long as the cultural part has been clarified, then the communication will become so smooth. So I also bring these experiences to my classroom, to my lessons, to my workshop, to the daily conversation with me and the coaching with the leaders and the supervisors so they feel like, oh, the next time I should behave in this way and speak in this way more direct and then they will develop a better conversation. It sounds it's mostly between people who have a Chinese background and an English background. Have you noticed any other differences with other cultures and have you had an experience with that? Yes, so I am a big fan of traveling. So when I was in New Zealand and in Japan and in Korea, I feel like even though we can speak in English, we can talk, but there were some of the awkward things will happen because of mistranslating in languages. So I feel like no matter what languages we're speaking, so the culture is the roots for everything else. So as long as we know about their background, cultural backgrounds, we can have a better communication. So it's also driven from the experiences that I travel to different places make me feel like, oh, that experiences could be of better resources that I bring to my workshop, to my classroom, and to deliver it to my students and to the leaders so they can benefit from my experiences. You and I met at the Portland Art Gallery and I was impressed because you had gone online, you went to Eventbrite, you noticed that there was an event that we had put out there for the general community and you showed up just because you were interested in the event and you like art and you like art galleries and you were willing to connect with people. So it seems like you have a certain level of comfort around connecting with people that you maybe have never met before. Exactly. Not everybody has that level of comfort. So are you able to provide advice for people about connecting with others that they may not know so they can start that building of trust and relationship? Great question. I would say I was experiencing a huge satisfaction from connection with people and that gave me substantial pleasure that been never been replaced by scrolling up and downs or social medias or any other things online. So I really enjoy that the immersive communication face-to-face talk that we put our listening, our attention to each other and have this meaningful talk with other people. This is so fun to me. And honestly when I was young I used to be so shy and so introverted, I don't like to open to myself and I was so reserved because talking is so daunting to me. I never know if this person will accept me or not or we'll have some conflict. I never know. But since, I mean I met my husband, he is so good at communication, even though we have some conflict, we would just have this open talk. : We just solve that directly to talk about how we feel, how do we think? Usually it's just different perspectives and different views, but we do like to express ourselves and then I find this rude. I find this way, oh, I can also use this way to connect with other people. So it's so rewarding that I can turn my students and my coworkers and my workmate into my friends. And this is all from the direct conversations from the places that we met. Maybe it's a workshop, the art gallery, maybe it's just because of the trip, because I've been through these experiences, that's so rewarding to me that I feel like, oh, I should explore something more. I should just go to different settings, different places to just have this talk probably that's never been found from online. So that's how I feel like, oh, communication, it is so fun. I just love that so much having this connection and bond with people and with you. Well, and I appreciate that because when you and I first met, obviously I didn't know you didn't know me, but it started with a very simple question. So how did you end up at the art gallery? What brings you here? And I think sometimes those introductory questions, they're not as hard as people Think To start a conversation. Of course it helps that you were very open to talking about your experience and your background. And I also noticed that you really were engaging with the art on the Portland Art gallery walls. So you had a love of the visual. So that was something that you and I shared. Yes. So in talking to people who let's say are younger and they have gone through COVID and there was this whole online time where everybody just sort of ended up doing mostly scrolling and digital communication and they're trying to figure out how to reconnect with people now, especially in school or going into the workplace, are there things that you yourself have learned that can be pieces of advice for them? Yes, it is so easy to be staying at home and then to hold a phone to connect with people online. But I'll say just do something different. Tiny change, I always say that to myself and to my friends and students around me. So don't think that you'll make a deep, big jump. You just only make tiny 5% of change. So that's what I call 5% of change. And you can use this mindset to deliver, to do everything else. For example, when I was in New Zealand, I can't swim, but there are so many good extreme sports and adventures that I am so dying to experience to try because I'm not being in New Zealand all the time. So I want to grab this chance to experience that. It's so fun. And there was a called canning experiences. It's like you go into the canyons and then to do this very hard tracking and hiking over there. : And there was a part that it is selective and optional that you can jump out of the cliff and into the water and then you have everything for the equipped, you'll be fine. But it's like the mindset is like, oh my god, I can't swim. It's so daunting for me. But I want to say this is a similar feeling that my students never had experiences of delivering the public speech for us. For me it's easy from them. They don't know students face, other people's face is the water for me. So I just always compare about my experiences and their experiences so I know how they feel and when it comes to me, I feel like, you know what? I just give myself a hint three to one, jump on, 3, 2, 1. When I was there, deep breath and 3, 2, 1, I'll be fine. And it didn't jump. : So as long as I made that jump, it's like a splash over there and I feel like, oh, I'm survived. So I accumulate a tiny sense of achievement for me. So I used that to do my second jump, the third jump, the fourth jump. So how people are developing their confidence and their real skills is about a lot of practice. So I'd like to share the experiences to my people around me. They say, you know what, whenever I could stay at home to use my phone to look at so many messages online, but I can also do something different. It is not always positive I'm sure, but you experience something awkward or ashamed or something bad, it register experiences for you and that turns to a memory when you're looking back how I feel like sometimes when I look at social media, I feel like I'm only a spectator. I'm not actually experiencing. But right now, being present, being with others, being with another outside world in nature, that's the part always register in my memories. So I love to accumulate more and more of that and I'm always telling them, it is not necessary. You have to do it, it's optional. But as long as you try something new, you feel like, you know what? It's not as hard as I originally thought. So why not? Why not trying it? This Transition that you've had then to coming here to Maine from Beijing, that's a very big transition. You had a lot of success, you did 10 years professionally in your prior field and not only did you move to a new country, but you've started over professionally. Are you using some of the lessons that you've learned that you then bring to your students? Are you using them for yourself? That's a good question. So most of students still wanted to stick with me, so they wanted to have proceed and continue the lessons online remotely. So that's part of it. So the biggest challenging for me is to getting up super early, like five o'clock because I need to adjust to different time zones and everything has a trade off. So I accept that. And the fun part is that because I am in the new surroundings, so I would like to share my experiences about how do you feel in this way and how is something actually look like right now? Some of the information you look for AI tos are wrong. Some of the things are misleading information. You look from the feed from short videos. So I would say that's something that I experienced every single day and you can choose who would you like to bleed to. : So I would say this is so precious for them to know about what it's really like and how this conversation really proceed in that way. For example, I mean learning a second language, always speaking with like, hello, how are you and goodbye, I'm sorry. And sometimes in our Chinese cultures we kind of over energizing something. We keep saying sorry all the time, but I'm going to tell them there are some of the situation and scenarios. You don't need to say sorry or you cannot say sorry because you are sharing the accountability on it. So that is some of the insight they would like to hear more. So I would say they still would like to proceed in lesson with me online is just because of the experiences that I'm experiencing every single day. And from here that when I meet more people from the workshop, from the social settings, from traveling to Pearl Harbor, and there are some of the people who know that I'm from Asia, from China, and they actually share their experience that they were in China to me and we have this connection, this bond altogether. : And somehow they're actually saying that, you know what? I really wanted to learn Mandarin with you and some of the people who wanted to learn Mandarin with me. And I feel like this is such a blessing for me because I can also share what we actually say in my mother tongue, even native language. This is not actually what you learn from the textbook. So in essence it's all the same. So I've been seeing so many students and so many people, they're so good at reading, but for listening it's actually they need more practice. They feel like, oh, I shouldn't say that. This is old fashioned way because when you say that you never know. This is more like because when we say something people will say, oh, you are more like a modern city girl or your language sounds more like 50 years old. You never know until you make that conversation. So that's the part I always really enjoy and still feel so engaging because it's from my everyday life. I'm intrigued by the fact that you study calligraphy. So we've been talking a lot about communicating in one way, which is verbal and human and calligraphy is communicating in a different way and it's a very artistic Way. How did you get interested in that? And talk to me about that sort of journey for you. I love talking about that. Oh my god, when I was 15 years old, I never thought about I'm going to bring my calligraphy artwork to the United States. So that started with very, very coincidence. Things like when my classmates are all developing their musical skills like violin, like guitar, like piano, and then people like to show off when we're getting together in the classroom they say, Hey, I've been learning that A, B, C. And I feel like somehow just like a teenager just wanted to learn some of the skills, have something to say from their friends and the classmates. So there was one time there's just calligraphy teacher come into the classroom, into the school and then to show the beautiful artwork with the characters in it. And I feel so impressed, like oh, so the everyday character that I'm writing can turn into the artwork. : Amazing. So I feel like how about I try it, I give it a shot. So I talked to the calligraphy teacher and I sign out for the lessons and then they actually just gave me the heads up, you know what this going to be not that easy because you need to practice a single word for hours and hours. Do you feel that you can do it? Because they gave me the heads up that I want to say, you know what, I'm going to be outstanding. I can't do it. So at first I know this is not going to be easy, not with other kids. You know what, this is so hard. So I job, no, so I know this is going to be hard so I want to be the best. So I expressed my extra endeavor and hardworking on that. So it's a group access, it's a group classes. : So we are doing every Saturday afternoon. So the class only lasts for an hour. So when we write and the teacher will come up to me and to say where can I improve and how do you develop the way of seeing what is beautiful, what is not? And I feel like the kind of what to know what is the standard building is how I develop back that time. And then there was the copy of the task book and this is my artwork and I just practice one single character for hours and hours in a scorching summer day. This is super hard. But I like the feeling that the next class when I hand out my hundreds of the artwork to my teacher, while others are not writing anything, that I always got the compliment to say, oh it did such a great job and I'm the one who learn the most and who developed the fast. : So I love the feeling get the credits as a younger kid. So that pushed me to work harder and harder. So that how I go through the seven years and later years when I choose to become an English teacher and choose to be a cooperate trainer, I always feel like calligraphy can only be my hobby and interest. It's good to practice my patience, but I feel like you know what my works is being just like being in the corner and collecting all of the dust over there and never be looked by others until I move here. I've seen a lot of good artworks and I would like to project myself into the same situation that I am. That artist I can see. How does he practice that all over the time to cry with one artwork and that need a lot of thoughts And also because artwork doesn't have the standard answer. : So you never know when you feel that is perfect, that is complete, that is the time I am confident to show it to the others. I have that self-doubt all the time. And sometimes when I feel I feel this is good, but it's not good for the others. The other people prefer to the incomplete outward that I feel that's not a hundred percent good. So this is so interesting to think and to talk. So that feel like when I go to the art gallery or when I go to the museum, when I go to the craft shop that feel like, you know what I understand, I feel like I have this silence communication with the artwork that who is putting a lot of effort over there that nobody can see but I can. It's just because of the experiences over there. And also whenever I go to the gallery and museums in different states, in different countries, I feel like I gained the extra insight out of it how to appreciate the beauty. Other people might not see it. So just like calligraphy bring me a lot of benefits that I never seen, I never thought I could have 10 years ago that I'm glad that I've learned that. And some of the skills that when you learn, you learn, you learn, you never know that when it will lead you and to what destination, but you just need to trust that will lead you to the one way I will either connect you with another artwork or with another people, with another artist or with another interview opportunities. Yeah, I love that answer. I think that what you're talking about makes a lot of sense and that there are sometimes the path is very clear and other times you don't really know exactly what you're supposed to be doing, but you just think, I'm just going to go forward. Yes, I'm going to do this thing now. Yes. So as I'm talking to you, I am thinking there are probably going to be people who want to connect with you, who might be interested in the types of things that you're teaching. What's the best way for people to get in communication with you? That's a good question. So I actually am about to build my own personal website. So my name is Beryl, B-E-R-Y-L. And I also thinking about I'm going to provide the services about a calligraphy. So from the past several weeks there were people come up to me to say they love the artwork. I actually just writing and I give them as a gift and they love the artwork and also the story behind it. It is usually we'll meet for a 10 to 20 minutes talk consultation about what do you feel and why. It's more like a personal talk. Then I can put their own personal thoughts into the artwork they wanted to present. So it's more like collaboration with my work and their mindset as well. And then when it comes to the artwork, I'm going to tell them each character's meaning and then how that sound beautiful, what does mean to them and how that means to us. : And then they would love this idea about it. So it is not like copy and paste like the mass merchandise that they can easily buy from Amazon. It is about their personal and individual and personalized artwork that they can gain to hand their wall or as a gift to the others. So one of the calligraphy services that I'm going to provide and also I'm going to put that into my international perspective, my ideas that my past appearances into the calligraphy and how I feel about man, this vibe, this atmosphere, this people so kindness give it to me. I'm also going to combine all of that into my artwork. So this is one of the way. And secondly, I'm also providing the Mandarin services, the teaching. So learning the language is also very daunting, but it's also very fun. And the thing is, when you are learning languages, a, when you go to travel, when you go to Asia, go to China to travel, you always feel like when you actually understand what other people are talking give you more confidence more than the translation tools. : And then you don't need to pay the very expensive the private tours as well. And it's about that when you construct the conversation with the people you randomly met who actually help you and that more can become more like a friends in the longer term. So I will feel like, so learning language is so fun. So I would like to help people with learning management as well. And also it's about cross-cultural communication. So I'm open to have this talk and to provide this insight with any different culture about Asia, about China, about our culture in English or in Chinese. It's so fun to learn more about it. And then what is like pros and cons? You need to know ahead of time before you pack your bags to go on a trip. And there was something that you need to anticipate, you need to expect. So the online are not a hundred percent to be that reliable to draw upon. I feel like when you listen to a talk, when you have this conversation, you will know more about it. So this is something that I'm about to do and I'm going to share more information on my Instagram that is B-E-R-Y-L-C-U-I. So my Instagram, I'm going to put my personal website on that link as well. So that's one of the ways that people can reach to me for that. Well I look forward to your website. It seems like you already have a lot of really wonderful things to offer people and I'm sure people who are listening today or watching are going to be intrigued enough to reach out to you. So I can't wait to see your website. I can't wait to see what happens next for you. Thank you so much. Thank You for having me. Yes, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for coming in Today. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm really happy about that. Thank you. Thank you. Today we've been speaking with Beryl Twe, she is many things but a cross-cultural educator or a calligrapher, an artist. And if you're interested, please do find her on Instagram as she said, or you can find her on the website that she will be building. Or you can perhaps join us at one of our upcoming Portland Art Gallery openings at the Portland Art Gallery in Portland, Maine. And I'm hoping Beryl that you'll be willing to come back and join us again for one of those. Yes, that would be wonderful. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much.